Ethel & Noble

IF YOU GREW UP IN A DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY, AS AN ADULT YOU MIGHT…

A family is dysfunctional or unhealthy when your basic needs are not met as a child because your parents and caregivers may have struggled with alcoholism addiction, compulsive behaviours, violence, abuse and more.
As a child, your emotional needs were often ignored. You come up with ways to cope and survive. And in some critical way, your emotional needs were not met as you grew up
It may have extended as far as you needed to take care of others in your life in order to make sure that you were taken care of.


1. You often judge and criticize yourself very harshly.
As a kid, you didn’t get unconditional love, and that made you judgmental towards yourself. Your parents might have been critical, making you feel like you never quite measured up. As a result, you may have internalised those messages.

2. You believe that, with a little more effort, you can get others to change or love them.
As a kid, you might have thought that if you put in a little more effort, you could change things at home, or get others to love you back. This belief, is driven by fear and insecurity.

3. You have not grieved your lost childhood struggle & with underlying depression, anxiety, or anger.
You never got the chance to mourn your “lost childhood.” You had to grow up too quickly, being the kind of child who seemed and behaved like a “little adult” even at a very young age.

4. You take yourself very seriously and have difficulty having fun.
As a kid, nobody played with you or showed you how to play, so you are scared to take a break and play, making you always be active. Your energy is focused on keeping up and moving forward.

5. You constantly seek approval and affirmation.
As a kid, you were not valued or told that you were worthy, lovable, and good just as you were. Now, you need others to tell you you’re worthy and okay just as you are.

6. You feel deeply lonely.
You didn’t get to develop as an individual, you were always focused on the family’s needs. Even around others, a feeling of loneliness sticks with you. You might notice others’ feelings well but find it hard to understand and show your own.

7. You feel uneasiness around authority figures.
As a kid, your every action was controlled and/or abused by an authority figure (parent, caregiver) Someone in a position of authority abused their power over you, so you overreact to anyone in authority over you.

8. You don’t know how to live without conflict, chaos and drama.
As a kid, you may have grown up in noise, chaos, violence and drama, and this may seem or feel normal. So you also learned how to live with “chaos as normal” and are not used to a life without chaos.

BACK TO YOU
Remember:
You don’t bear the weight of transforming or “fixing” the entire family on your shoulders. Your responsibility lies in caring for yourself and making the changes you yearn for. Change is not easy, so grant yourself the patience you deserve.
Take care of your beautiful soul.